The Daily Noel

It always ends in tears. Always.

09.11.2006, 14:44, Text: Daniel Koch

Da Harald Schmidt nur noch müde Witzchen bringt, beantragen wir aus aktuellem Anlass einen Personalwechsel auf dem Moderatorenstuhl. Vorschlag des Tages: Noel Gallagher. Mal ehrlich – gebt dem Mann endlich eine Fernsehshow, eine Kolumne, whatever! Na ja, in der kommenden Intro-Ausgabe gibt es erstmal ein langes Interview mit ihm (Auszug: \\\\\\\"I love Coldplay. Liam hates them – but he’s an idiot, right?\\\\\\\"), das ist doch auch schon mal was. Und bis dahin vertreiben wir uns das Warten mit ein paar gesammelten Bonmots, die er während der Interview-Sessions zum 'Stop The Clocks'-Release so rausgehauen hat.

Stichwort: Kollegen-Dissen. Geht in England ja immer gut. Momentanes Reizthema bei Noel: Die Arctic Monkeys. Nicht, dass er ihnen den Erfolg missgönnt, er sorgt sich eher über den Realitätsbezug der Band: \\\\\\\"Great pop music is not about real life, it's about how great life can be. Real life's shit. I'm worried about what's going to follow in their wake. It's gonna be cunts with guitars going: 'And me mum works down the fooking chip shop, she met a geezer' and all that.\\\\\\\" Kann der Mann denn auch mal jemanden loben? Er kann: \\\\\\\"Well I’m really into the Kasabian album, but I've just got an album in New York by a guy called M. Ward, it’s called 'Post-War'. Fookin' hell man. I've never heard this guy before, and I was doing a photo shoot, as us rock stars generally do, and some guy was playing it in the background. I was like, 'What’s that fookin' music?' And he's like, [imitiert einen amerikanischen Akzent] 'Dude, it’s M. Ward.' One of the best albums I’ve ever heard actually.\\\\\\\"

Was denkt Noel über das heiß diskutierte Thema Internet-Piraterie? \\\\\\\"See, I like pirates. That’d be a good occupation, wouldn't it? I'd like to have been a pirate, if I wasn't a rock star. Some might say pirates are earlier day rock stars. Of course, on the sea. Fook internet piracy. How boring’s that? I just don't think I have an opinion on that. We'll leave that to Lars Ulrich. Make an arse of yourself. Hey, if it's out there for free and you can find it, then good for you. To be quite honest, between me and you, can I say this off the record? I’ve got enough money. I don’t need any more. Lars Ulrich has got enough money. He don’t need anymore. Keith Richards or Paul McCartney have got more money than sense — look at the way they dress. It’s blatantly evident. We're well paid, us successful people.\\\\\\\"

Lange nix Schlechtes über den \\\\\\\"fat dancer of Take That\\\\\\\" (ein Noel Classic) gelesen? Da kann Mr. Gallagher nachhelfen: \\\\\\\"I don't consider myself to be a celebrity. It doesn't freak me out going to buy a pint of milk. Not like Robbie Williams - I don't lock myself way from society and then claim that people don't understand me. I'm one of the rare breed of rock 'n' rollers who actually does my own shopping. You can catch me at various supermarkets round London, buying bits of food and stuff like that. I don't mind rubbing shoulders with the mere mortals in the street.\\\\\\\" Seufz. Das wär's doch: Einmal mit Noel in einem Tesco in Camden einkaufen und vorbeilaufende Passanten anpöbeln.

Und zum Schluss noch die Gallagher'sche Weisheit des Tages: \\\\\\\"Don’t fucking join your brother’s band. And this is my advice to people: if you’re ever gonna join a band, don’t have any family members in it. It’s wrong. The Everly Brothers and the Kinks will tell you the same fookin’ thing. It always ends in tears. Always.\\\\\\\"

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